Paul & Den's Story
“It’s the one place where I know I can leave her and not have a worry in the world – it’s an absolutely wonderful facility.”
 
Den was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2016 and has been attending the Dementia Day Care services every Wednesday at Wakefield Hospice since November 2021.

This Dementia Awareness Week, we spoke with Den’s husband and partner of 43 years – Paul – about living with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s and the support provided here at Wakefield Hospice.

Paul: “When you find yourself in a situation like we are in, you have two options – sink or swim. My intention is to keep swimming as long as we can – it’s not always easy, and of course there are times I get upset, but I am determined to push on and ensure Den has the best quality of life possible. We get out every day, we enjoy time in the garden and we still go on holidays – it can be difficult but whilst we are able to do so, why shouldn’t we keep doing things she has always enjoyed?

“I completely appreciate that everyone’s experience with Alzheimer’s and Dementia will be different, but it’s this positive mind-set which helps us to not just get through every day, but appreciate the life we’ve had together and the opportunities we still have in front of us.”
 
The start of the journey with Alzheimer’s

“Den’s Dad had Alzheimer’s and his mum (Den’s Grandmother) had Dementia, so it was something we were well aware of. I began having concerns about Den when I noticed her becoming much more anxious and depressed – she was never an anxious person and I knew there was more to it. She also became much more frustrated with things, and after a number of hospital visits, meetings with neuropsychologists and a variety of tests and scans, Den was eventually diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s in 2016.”

Over the past seven years since diagnosis, Paul explains the massive changes he has seen: “At first it would just be small things like losing keys (I used to spend hours trying to find them!) but overtime things got progressively worse. Den has broken both hips through Alzheimer’s, she is no longer coherent in terms of speech and often doesn’t understand me or even recognise who I am.”
 

Finding support from Wakefield Hospice


“As Den’s condition was getting worse I began looking for help.  Our daughters have always been amazing support, but just like when Den’s Dad was living with Alzheimer’s, as parents you don’t want to feel like you are constantly relying on your children for help – they still have their own life to live.

“We were receiving a few hours support each week from a friend who was a retired District Nurse, and she was the first person to point us in the direction of Wakefield Hospice. We received a home visit from Sandra in the hospice’s Dementia Team and one month later Den was heading for her first visit.”


The immeasurable value of ‘Trust’


“At the stage we are at now, it is all a matter of trust. Trusting where you go, trusting the people around you and of course trusting anyone caring for Den. I can honestly say, from the minute I walk through the doors there is just a feel about the place which radiates warmth and positivity in the most trusting of environments… it really does mean so much just knowing Den is safe and happy.

“The whole team are incredible, I can talk with Sandra about anything, the knowledge, understanding and empathy of the team is second to none and the practical support here just isn’t available anywhere else - it is honestly the greatest support we have found available anywhere over the past seven years.”

“To anyone out there supporting loved ones living with Alzheimer’s or Dementia, I couldn’t recommend this service enough. We know the coming months and years will present more challenges, but being side-by-side with Den we will face every obstacle together, and having the support of Wakefield Hospice provides that safety blanket we all need, wrapping us in care and supporting us on our journey.”

To find out more about our Dementia Day Care Service, please click here.